NB: This is the mature version of this chapter for all those virgin eyes at ff.net I want to keep the fic on 'T' over there. Only a couple of extra paragraphs, but it's SS/RL smut, so it's all good.
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It was dark. An all encompassing darkness. The kind of darkness that came just before the dawn - the blackest part of the night. But it was a warm darkness. A comforting, longing darkness.
And, in that darkness, there was light. A flash of amber eyes looking at him, devouring him without ever touching him. Taking in every detail of his hot, needy body. They were hungry, those eyes. Hungry, lustful, passionate and yet, loving as well.
His head ducked to suck along his collar bone and those glowing amber eyes were replaced with soft caramel hair that brushed silkily along the underside of his chin and looked like spun gold in the dim candlelight.
And Severus keened. His back pulled taut like a bow string and his body arching towards his golden-coloured lover. Hot lips touched every part of him, worshipped every part of him. First his collar bone and his neck, then his shoulders and his pectorals and then - oh Merlin! Severus whimpered as that mouth, that wicked, talented tongue, attacked already highly sensitive nipples. Pulling, twisting teasing, caressing.
Hands were everywhere, exploring every inch, every scar and ever birth mark. Nothing went unnoticed, untouched, unloved. And then lips were back on his face, kissing him with a fierce, passionate brutality that spoke silently of years of separation. They were both so desperate now, gasping and moaning and whining and longing for just a little more. Pushing to be two parts of one whole.
Then his thighs were being gently prised apart my firm, callused hands that were, nonetheless, heartbreakingly gentle. And he opened to his golden lover like he never had to anyone. He was eager and willing, scared and excited because it had never - would never - be like this ever again. There was lubricant from somewhere - he didn’t know where - and a finger was brushing his whole softly and determinedly and, when it first slipped inside, it was bliss. Like coming home.
The first finger was joined by a second and third until Severus was writhing and arching across the bedspread, demanding more - more! And the fingers were replaced by something entirely different. Something warm and hard and something that felt more like home than anything ever had been before. And a hand brushed across Severus’ cheek, a soft kiss brushed across chapped lips as they waited, just a moment, like that.
Then they were moving and it was beyond glorious. It was sweet and animalistic and passionate and loving and it was everything, everything, everything. In that darkness there was nothing else other that the pure pleasure they were gifting to their bed partner.
Severus couldn’t tell how long it lasted, but every moment was worth savouring. Every second a sweet paradise. Then they were coming, coming, coming and he was awake, once more. Alone in a cold bed without any flaxen-haired Remus who loved him and worshipped him and with sheets and pyjamas wet with his come.
And Severus turned on his side, pulled the cover up over his head and he wept.
Months had passed since Kevin and Harry’s discovery of the Mirror of Erised and nothing much had happened. After Kevin’s reaction to the mirror Harry had made the decision not to tell anyone else, except for Stephen, about it. The rest of the first years, and the majority of the second years, by now too, still kept up their rota of guarding the door, but nothing had happened on that front either.
In fact, for the entire two and a bit months since the Christmas holidays the most exciting thing that had happened was Ron and his friends’ venture into the forbidden forest. Ron, Dean and Seamus had, apparently, stumbled into Hagrid’s cottage whilst the half-giant’s dragon egg was hatching. The three boys had witnessed the scene with horrified amazement as they realised that Hagrid, soft-hearted, clumsy Hagrid, had a Dragon. And not just any dragon, a Norwegian Ridgeback.
One of Ron’s elder brothers was a dragon keeper, so the boys had managed to successfully hand the dragon off to Charlie’s friends. But they had been caught on their way back to the common room, as it had been the middle of the night. And Hermione, who had followed along, nagging about curfew and how dangerous it was and why, why, did they not just tell the teachers? had also been caught.
The four of them had served detention in the Forbidden Forest, helping Hagrid, ironically. The unicorns had been attacked and they had tried to help him find the source of the attack. They had not found anything evidential, but all four of them had returned to their beds a good deal paler than they had left them and with tales of some kind of demon among the trees and a warning from the centaurs that there was evil afoot.
A few days later and the adventure had become nothing more than a seriously cool detention, one that earned the respect of the majority of the first years for the four Gryffindors. Hermione, in particular, had become quite popular. The fact that the quite, studious girl had faced the dangers of the Forbidden Forest and the strange ‘shadow demon’ - who most were now dismissing as no more scary than a child’s bogeyman story - without a flicker of an eyelid and had come out just as level headed as she had gone in made nearly everyone look at the bookish girl in a completely different light.
Of course, Ron, Dean, Seamus, Harry and Stephen weren’t surprised at all. After the no nonsense way she had dealt with the troll earlier that year - and whilst hiding under a half-crushed sink at that - they had expected nothing less.
But with nothing more exciting than a new scary story, the Easter Holidays seemed to come around much faster than the Christmas ones had. Harry had written to his Dad and Sirius about wanting to stay in school with Kevin and they had understood, saying that next time Kevin should come and stay with them. Harry had also explained to them that Dumbledore knew he was staying with Remus. Therefore, Remus had written a polite, if brief, note to the Headmaster with a combination of honesty and half truths to explain the situation.
Losing his best friends and his lover in one strike had been two much, he said. Simply couldn’t leave Harry with his muggle relatives, he said. Didn’t want to lose Harry as well. Wanted Harry to grow up away from celebrity, but with a good understanding of the magical world, he said.
And Dumbledore had fallen for it; hook, line and sinker. When the situation with the Easter holidays had become known to him, he had even gone so far as to arrange a visit to Hogsmeade for the two Ravenclaws so that Harry could introduce his friend to his adoptive father. Harry had been over the moon to hear of that proposal and, for the first time, he felt himself soften slightly towards the old man. Not much, but a little.
Of course, when the time finally came, any softness that he might have felt disappeared without so much as a puff of smoke. For Harry and Kevin were to be accompanied by the one and only Professor Snape.
Potions lessons, since the Hallowe’en debacle, had become increasingly difficult for Harry. Snape had become determined to find some fault in the eleven year old and, as such, Harry found himself researching the topics they were studying to a level beyond that of fourth year. He did precisely the right amount of homework, for even a word too little was skiving his work and a word too much was brown nosing. Harry had switched partners to Michael, who was the best in their potions class besides himself.
Harry didn’t know really quite why he was putting so much effort into his potions work. He was far exceeding the required knowledge and his potions and reached a level that rivalled any decent fifth year, even though he could only do that year’s potions and not the more complicated ones of the following years. Harry despised Snape. He really, really hated the man. But he still felt this - what felt to him like an unnatural - desire to impress the teacher. Why, he could not say. It didn’t work, anyway.
Or at least, it didn’t work in anyway that was visible to Harry or the other students. The fact of the matter was that Snape was impressed by Harry’s work. It wasn’t everyday he stumbled across an eleven year old even with the initiative to want to try and do what Harry was attempting, let alone with enough skill to actually pull it off. But Snape was bitter about it - incredibly bitter that Potter’s spawn was able to create these potions with casual ease that so mimicked that of his father. Potter Sr, at least, had never been this brilliant at Potions. No, potions had been the one area that Snape was superior to Potter.
In his eagerness to spite Harry, Snape conveniently forgot that Lily - his best friend and Harry’s mother - had been quite brilliant at Potions as well.
The day that Harry and Kevin were to go to Hogsmeade it was raining. Not a torrential downpour, more a sort of hesitant dampness that seemed to bring the world into sharper focus and made the cobwebs shine silver. They were scheduled to leave Hogwarts at 10, shortly after breakfast, but, as sure as Harry was that if they’d been late Snape would have cancelled the trip, they were on time and Snape kept them waiting. When their Potions professor finally arrived to take them Harry was eager to get out to meet his adoptive father.
‘Can’t contain your excitement, Potter?’ Snape sneered as they headed out of Hogwarts and along the well-walked route to Hogsmeade.
‘It’s been three months, professor, wouldn’t you be eager to meet your parents again after that length of time?’ Harry shot back, too joyful about the upcoming reunion to be bothered by Snape’s tone - after all his comment hadn’t even been that mean.
‘No,’ the older wizard replied shortly, not looking at either of the boys as he strode calmly ahead.
Harry and Kevin exchanged a glance of raised eyebrows, walking more slowly behind him. The wind whipped around the three figures, sending hair and scarves and coats floating on the breeze and causing Kevin to shiver and pull his coat tighter around him. Harry smiled softly at his friend before winking and casting a silent warming charm over both of them. Kevin blinked, shocked for the second time in as many minutes, but then smiled gratefully and they jogged forward to catch up with their acerbic teacher.
‘So, Prof, how’d you get roped into escorting us?’ Harry said jovially, not afraid to tempt Snape to a rise now they were off Hogwarts grounds.
Snape glared at the eleven year old. ‘Dumbledore asked me and I had nothing else to do.’
‘So… he used emotional blackmail then vanished whatever potion you were working on?’ Harry asked, elbowing Kevin when the other boy snorted softly.
‘Yes,’ Snape hissed so softly the boys almost didn’t catch it as the wind whisked his words away. ‘Unfortunately for your dog-father, the potion I was working on was six months’ worth of wolfsbane the headmaster asked me to give to him.’
Harry laughed out loud at that, throwing his head back and letting out a loud guffaw. ‘Didya hear that, Kev?’ he asked in a stage whisper, ‘He has a sense of humour!’
Snape’s eyes narrowed dangerously. ‘I assure you, Potter, I was not joking.’
‘Perhaps, but dad has survived the last ten years without any wolfs bane, chances are-’ here Harry leant forward and whispered conspiratorially, his eyes wide in exaggerated shock, ‘-he’ll be fine!’
Then the eleven year old turned tail, grabbing Kevin’s hand and racing forward along the path. ‘Run!’ he shouted, laughing again. ‘The evil Potions Master’s going to kill us!’
Snape swore violently under his breath, mind quick to imagine hundreds of different ways to kill the so-called Saviour of the wizarding world as slowly and painfully as possible. Before they were out of earshot though, he heard the other boy - whose name, he was ashamed to say, he couldn’t quite remember - say, ‘“Us”? What “us”? I had nothing to do with it!’ And Potter laughed.
Severus’ fist clenched and he screwed his eyes tight shut. In that mood - acting like that, laughing like that, joking like that - it was so easy to forget that Harry was Potter’s child. It was like Lily was there again with her blazing green eyes and her bright red hair and her charming smile, teasing him again like only she dared to. Lily was the only one who had trusted him completely, trusted him enough that…
He bowed his head, ashamed of where his thoughts led.
‘A child, lost within a month of conception. The result of a sexual liaison between yourself and Lily Potter.’
But that was pretty much his entire life summed up in one, cruel, unexpected sentence. The love he’d had for Lily - the love of a sister, a confidant, the true meaning of best friend forever - reduced to nothing more than a ‘sexual liaison’ and an aborted pregnancy. How different would his life be now if that child had lived? If Lily had birthed his son, rather than James’?
Severus looked up to see the flashes of black and blonde hair racing up the path someway ahead of him. Harry would have lived with him, grown up with him, been his son. Been his family. Lily probably wouldn’t have died, nor James. Harry would have been shipped between the two households, loved more than one child could possibly ask for. He would be an ordinary kid, with no lightening bolt scar and no stupid prophesy to uphold - no Dark Lord trying to kill him. And Severus would know the name of his son’s friend, invite both of them to his quarters on weekends. Take them to the Merlin-damned zoo.
And in that moment he hated Harry more than he could possibly express. Because he wasn’t his son. Severus didn’t have a family. He didn’t have Lily and he didn’t have a raven-haired child with her vibrant eyes that symbolised his nature so perfectly. He didn’t have his pseudo-sister, he didn’t have her son. He didn’t even have her oh-so-annoying husband. He didn’t even have her other best friend and the only man he’d ever loved.
Instead he had an annoying brat who was nothing more than an arrogant, rule-breaking child who served as a constant reminder of what could have been but wasn’t. And Severus hated him.
Harry raced Kevin the rest of the way to Hogsmeade and beat him, but only just - not that you could tell from the way he was boasting about it. Kevin just rolled his eyes and slugged him one on the shoulder. And Harry grinned his blinding smile back and grabbed his hand again, this time dragging him to Honeydukes.
‘I thought we were meeting your dad!’ Kevin protested - although not very adamantly.
Harry shot him another grin. ‘Yeah, but my dad lo-o-oves chocolate. I was going to buy a load of sweets under the cover of getting him some.’ Harry winked and pulled Kevin along around the shop, showing his friend all of the different types of sweets.
‘Have you been to Hogsmeade before?’ Kevin asked once Harry finally stopped for breath.
‘Nope, but there’s a shop very like this near where I live and my dad’s always keen to tell me stories about Hogwarts and his adventures there. Did you know that my dad used to know Snape, for example?’ Harry asked cheerfully, collecting all the sweets and dumping them on the counter.
‘Really?’
‘Yep. They were in the same year. Even friends for a short while, before, well. Something happened,’ Harry drew up short and frowned. What exactly had happened? Now that he thought about it he couldn’t really remember. He knew that for a number of years neither had any feelings one or another for each other, but for about half a year they were sort-of friends because they both studied with Lily. But then… well, something had happened. He couldn’t tell what, he couldn’t remember ever being told. Needless to say, his dad never told any stories about Snape after that period of time.
‘What?’ Kevin spoke softly, but startling Harry from his thoughts anyway.
Harry didn’t answer immediately, paying for the sweets and handing over the selection he’d picked out for Kevin. ‘I don’t know,’ he answered just as quietly. ‘Maybe he found out dad was a werewolf? Maybe Snape’s prejudiced against them - mindless beasts and all that. I know he - my dad, that is - regrets that they couldn’t have stayed friends.’
Kevin frowned and studied his boots, clutching the bag of sweets closer to his chest but saying nothing.
‘Hey, you ok?’ Harry asked.
His friend just nodded.
Harry grinned apologetically and chucked him a chocolate frog. ‘Here, eat that. Chocolate’s good for you and it’s always good to torture hapless animal shaped sweets.’
Kevin screwed up his nose and opened the box, dropping it when the chocolate jumped up and landed on his face, startling him. As he pinched the frog between his forefinger and thumb Harry laughed. Determined to take Harry’s advice, Kevin bit the frog’s head off, watching half-disgustedly, half-amused as the body continued to wriggle grotesquely. He popped the rest off the sweet in his mouth.
‘See? Doesn’t that feel better?’ Harry asked, still laughing.
‘Muggles have jelly-babies,’ Kevin deadpanned, pleased to note the shock on his friend’s face. He grinned to himself and started towards The Three Broomsticks, where they had arranged to meet Remus.
Harry trailed along behind, the expression of a kicked puppy haunting his large eyes. ‘Ke-e-ev… that was mean.’
‘I wasn’t lying.’
‘I’m sure, but to think of it in that context…’ Harry trailed off and shuddered.
‘The boy-hero is capable of more than one-syllable words, I see,’ Snape snarled, making the boys jump as he appeared from seemingly nowhere. ‘Quick, call the press, the world must be warned,’ he continued sarcastically. Then he placed a hand on the door to the inn, slamming it open. ‘In,’ he barked.
Kevin and Harry entered with their heads bowed. Snape neither saw nor heard Harry as he grinned and said so quietly that only Kevin heard him, ‘Super-cali-fradgy-listic-expy-ally-docious. Hah! 14.’ Not did he hear Kevin’s soft snort of reply, ‘Antidisestablishmentarianism. Only 12, but that’s a real word.’
But Harry was no longer listening as he’d spotted his dad across the room. ‘Moony!’ he shouted in glee, running across the room and launching himself into his dad’s - albeit rather surprised - arms.
‘Hey, cub, you’re late,’ Remus accused.
‘Fashionably so, always,’ Harry teased back, a long standing joke between them. ‘I got you chocolate, anyway, to make up for it.’
‘Really?’ Remus asked, regarding his son suspiciously.
‘Uh huh,’ Harry said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a bag of Chocolate frogs and a bar of Honeydukes’ finest.
Remus squeezed him in thanks, before asking, ‘What else you got in there, huh, cub?’
‘Maybe, possibly, also a bag of Bertie Bott’s,’ Harry said. And, upon seeing his dad’s look, ‘…or two… Anyway, come meet Kevin.’ And once again Harry was on his feet , dragging someone else along behind him.
‘He’s in my house and is one of my best friends, along with Stephen - Cornfoot, I think you said dad James dated his dad’s little sister in third year?’
But Remus had stopped listening as soon as he’d seen who was escorting the boys.
Snape glared at him, eyes cold and voice hard as he bit out, ‘Lupin.’
‘Severus.’